Jasmine Dixon Healing of a young single mother Part two

Jasmine Marie Dixon is a young mother, she is 25 years old. She has one daughter named Mila. She is a great mother who works hard for her family and community. Jasmine attends church in Chatsworth, California. She serves at her church and motivates her community. Jasmine leads her own support group at her church that supports other single mothers. Jasmine believes that God is very intentional, he makes no mistakes. “By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.” Hebrews 11:3 It is because of the unknown and having faith in God to take care of me that I’m grateful that my future and present circumstances are unseen by me. I’m grateful that God allows room for me to let him in and take care of all my needs before I even ask him for anything.

What is the hardest challenge with being a young adult and having a child?

I got pregnant at 22 years old as a college student in a toxic relationship with the father of my daughter. You would think being sick and sleeping through classes would be never ending, but I got through the rest of college better than I did my relationship. I think it is easier to just deal with yourself and your own needs. When you put a baby and a challenging boyfriend in the picture you forget about yourself.

As a young mother, my challenges stemmed from not understanding what direction to go, not accepting where I was in life, or feeling like I was not doing or being enough for my little family. I always felt lost and alone when making decisions for Mila and I.

Dealing with different insecurities, I thought I had a partner that seemed like he understood and wanted to help me through it. Instead, he put all my insecurities against me to remind me that I wasn’t the woman he thought I was. Truth be told I saw myself the same way he did. I was stuck between what I wish was working and what I also felt was breaking me. I had never been at such a low point in my life.

Through all of this, I had God and he showed me the things I needed to do. The hardest thing was obeying God to walk away from this toxic relationship. To choose myself and my daughter first and walk away from the idea of marriage, family, and my hopes that her dad would change.

For a long time, I was my own challenge, my thoughts, my insecurities, my fears, my pain, my hurt, me. Not being able to see myself the way that God saw me. God wanted better for me, but like most of us when we don’t know what that looks like we would rather be comfortable in something toxic because it is what we normalized.

What was your healing process like when you became a single mother?

It was non-existent. I thought I was healed a couple weeks after Milas’ father and I broke up. 8 months later after the breakup I had an epiphany. What I thought was healing was actually suppression. For 8 months I was running away, never trying to feel pain, hurt or even having to rethink everything I went through in the relationship.

What I was experiencing was loss. I grew up in a 2-parent home and they weren’t perfect, but they made it work. I felt that I had to do whatever it took to make sure that Mila grew up with both parents being together under one roof. Because this was all I knew it was what I truly desired and because it was what I truly desired, I put myself in situations where I gave so much of myself to a dream that only I could see.

This was the most real relationship I have ever been in and I’ve never been so conflicted between what I wanted and what I needed. I say all this to say it was long, it was a fight, and it demanded me to really give my wounds and scars to the Lord. I thought that suppression, alcohol, social media, and even serving at church would distract me from asking God to help heal me.

Once I let God in and the process began, I felt the 8 months of hurt starting to be lifted from me. I cried almost every night confused on why I was still feeling pain after so many months later. God started working and he’s still working on me every single day during this journey. Sometimes we prevent ourselves from being healed in certain areas of our life and God is just patiently waiting for us to invite him into the mess.

Describe a time where you felt alone as a mother, how did you overcome this?

There isn’t just one time that I’ve felt alone. I feel like loneliness comes in waves for me. One moment, I’m just fine and not concerned about the little things. I can feel really strong and unstoppable, ready to fulfill my purpose.

The next moment I can start to feel like I’m doing everything by myself even though I have all the help in the world. I even feel scared about someone not wanting to be with me and try the whole family thing with me again. There’s different ways of feeling lonely as a single mom and what helped me was really allowing God to be my rock and foundation.

I remember I was in life groups with young women who were really supportive of my motherhood and I loved being a part of that community. Then there was a single moms life group that I joined and the first day we met I just started crying because I finally felt like I was in a place where I wasn’t the only one going through single parenting. I was moved and inspired by women who had gone through so many trials, but still had more faith in God changing their circumstances. It was empowering and I encourage other single moms to have spaces like this because it’s so much better to go through life with community and support. Every single mom story is so different from the next single mom and it’s such a blessing because God starts to open your eyes to all the ways he’s loving the people around you both known and unknown.

What advice would you give a single mother preparing to have a child?

The reality is that God never promised us that life was going to be easy. In fact we are going to have insecurities, we are going to face obstacles, we are going to feel lonely, and we are going to wish that our circumstances were different.

There’s going to be struggle, but with struggle it gives opportunity to allow God to step in and make ways we didn’t even know he could make for us. The Lord said “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

No matter what we face in our journey of single motherhood God is there waiting and wanting for us to lean on him. He will make a way and provide for all our needs. He will never leave nor forsake us. He sees us in our brokenness and wants to take our pieces and make it a masterpiece.

I encourage you to open your heart and mind to a God that looks at you and wants everything to do with you and your child. It doesn’t matter if things with the father of your child don't work, your family doesn’t support you as much as you would like, or you feel unqualified to be a mother. It was no surprise to God when you got pregnant because God has called you to be a mother. God qualified you to be a mother, God wants to work with you, and God will give you a family whether it be blood or spiritual that will walk with you. Trusting God will give you a supernatural strength to conquer anything that comes your way. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25

Do you believe God and attending church has affected the way you raise your children?

I definitely believe wholeheartedly that God and my church community has affected the way I raise my daughter. I want Mila to learn how to stand firm in the Lord, so the ways of this world doesn’t shake her. Right now as she is young and easily molded by the things around her I can surround her in spaces and with people who love God. I can’t control what happens and what path she chooses to take as she starts growing into her own person, but I do know that she will remember how much I prayed and how much I surrounded myself with God’s community. Even if she were to turn completely from God, eventually she will always find herself back to where her seed was first planted. With God, once you see him you can never unsee him. As mothers all we have to do is plant the seed and God will take care of the rest for us.

Jasmine Dixon and her daughter Mila (2020)